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Is it OK to fall in love with another man/woman after you're married?

Love is magic.....and if it happens with someone else after marriage it is considered taboo. It does happen at times but is not spoken about though it doesn't mean you don't love the one you're married to.

Should it happen or not is not the right question as when one is in love....he/she is.....Question then comes does marriage takes away the right to love someone else? When I say love someone else I'm talking about love between a man and a woman which is not necessarily corporeal.

Let's discuss this topic openly.....

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Permalink Reply by DR vikas khanna on November 25, 2012 at 12:41am

love is the most highly abused word.and giving adjectives like pure and unconditional is unfortunate.

What we call love implies two....can there be love when any division is there,(me and you)

love hinges on mutual gratification and is basically sensuous, though we may not agree to it, and like to sugar -coat it.

Attraction to other is bound to happen, as long as 'I' exist, before or after marriage.Acting on it is deleterious to organized relationship.

Its different thing to talk about osho's bullsh*** on being rebellious and actually sharing it with your spouse and inviting catastrophic trouble into your house, unless of course  she too is a willing partner with her own attractions.

Besides practicality there is no moral reasons to one or even hundreds of so called'love affairs".,only if one can digest it.

 

Permalink Reply by jai sherring on April 24, 2013 at 9:02am

There is some kind of evolving mechanism that our genes carry. At every nodal juncture, the prime self faces its rewarding phenomenon. An energy transaction takes place and we move on. What we call i love, is basically a quantum jump and is meant to prepare you for the next orbit. 

Permalink Reply by pramod kumar srivastava on March 16, 2011 at 2:15am

love never ask before coming ,it enters sponteneously,

         for example if u see a rope which looks like a snake ,u jump for a moment then u realise oh! its only a rope.now u can take it in your hand .The emotion fear also comes  sponteneously.but it goes off when u dont nourish this emotion.have u ever seen a person who continuously jump,being afraid of the rope as if it were a snake.no. never.

     first sight love is possible,but if i m married ,i should never nourish this emotion

Permalink Reply by Shanu Goyal on March 16, 2011 at 10:16am

Thank you Pramod for sharing your views. Yes. true when love enters.....it enters.

Not to nourish the emotion can be done but if  emotion is there it is there and it means yes, you are in love and then you can't do anything about it. To control your emotion doesn't mean that you're not in love and if you build resistance for anything around you that means you're more involved into the thing as all the time you want to resist it.

One more question.....why one shouldn't nourish this emotion now after marriage? Does this mean that one doesn't love the person whom he/she is married to? Or does marriage takes away the right to love any other person. If so, marriage becomes so ugly....

This discussion was posted just because I've counselled some couples on the personal level because this situation existed between them. A friend of mine is facing this situation and her husband knows about it and he is making every effort that the love between his wife and the other man in her life remains afresh. I think this is true love and this marriage will last forever as wife is free to love (here we are not talking about corporeal love). And yes, wife too knows how much her husband loves her.

What is marriage and who has defined what is ethical in marriage? Does marriage takes away freedom to love?

Permalink Reply by pramod kumar srivastava on March 16, 2011 at 6:14pm

1     if i nourish my emotion say "anger" i may do hurt someone.

2     once think about the wife /would be wife   of the third persion(you know who is third)

3     ..........................................................................no future for next gen. 

 

 

Permalink Reply by chaand on March 16, 2011 at 2:20am

LOVE is such a subtle manifestation that one's choice is never taken for it to manifest in one's life out of the blue. Express it or not but one can not deny the cupid's arrow stung deep within measureable levels when it happens.

If one's choice was not taken volitionally (and one has for sure not played any direct/indirect role either) then how come can one be blamed for the act which was not in fact inititated by him/her.

It's societys' design to keep it's laid down norms in check that it is called a taboo...but one can understand it is society's majboori / laachari' (compulsion) to oppose it vehemently to save it's fabric from going haywire..& not let it set as an acceptable trend for future.      

Many (if not everyone ?) may admit within their heart that they have fealt deep love for more than one person in their lives. I have candidly interviewed many senior citizens during one to one meetings & who invariably vouched it to be true.      

Here it is not meant ditching the existing spouse, since true love does not demand or mean harming others in any form. In fact the love prospers only if goodwill prevails at all fronts..   

Permalink Reply by Shanu Goyal on March 16, 2011 at 10:16am
Totally agree and very nicely put.....
Permalink Reply by Anju Makin on March 16, 2011 at 11:55am

Shanu, I think one needs to go deeper into pshycological makeup of a person to get to the bottom of this.

what you are talking about is a solution to a symptom.

what is the symptom?

There is an underlying need for you to be needed and loved. (when I say "you" in my reply.. it refers to a 'person', not to you personally)

Why?

the question then to ask is-

Is the love you are getting currently from your spouse and kids not enough?

If not.. again.. why?

what is the gaurantee that once someone else you fall in love with . will be enough?

love is a very complex emotion and definitely not standalone. it comes with an amazing baggage of expectations which almost always lead to misery.

If of course.. someone is not getting enough love from their spouse, then they go searching for fulfilment.

again... definition of 'enough' is very vague and subjective.... and fulfilment is definitely a complete mirage :)

if of course one is in an abusive realtionship, then the first priority is to set it right or get out with an intact self confidence, which is much more important than falling in love.

and lets talk about the underlying need, i first spoke about. what is driving that need? why do you need the appreciation, confirmation (which is what most love is about-  a mutual admiration society!)

I remember Abraham Hicks talking about oaths in western marriages to be changed to "I will be responsible for my own happiness" :) rather than expect or burden the spouse to create that happiness for me !

all spiritual gurus, across the world, keep talking about how one needs to be completely self sufficient and self loving before loving anyone else.

Your sole responsibility is towards keeping yourself happy, only then you will be able to keep the spouse or the kids happy. If you hear Abraham hicks or any other spiritual leader talk about relationships, you wll hear them saying.... Every relationship has the potential to be  a perfect relationship. Its one's own attitude that one needs to change towards. if we completely believe in our relationship, it will become complete. if we keep depending on others to complete us, ergo keep searching for new partners/ or falling in love with others, we will never be complete.

More on this later... lets see the replies to this one first !

 

Permalink Reply by Shanu Goyal on March 16, 2011 at 3:31pm

Thanks for sharing your views Anju.

First of all, no one goes around searching for love as it happens. True love doesn't come with any expectations.....And being in love with the other person doesn't mean that you don't love your husband and kids.You can love two people also. And a perfect relationship doesn't mean that now there is no place left to love anyone else.....

Anyways....different people different views but I really appreciate that you all have at least come forward and spoken on the subject which is not very often spoken about. Thank you very much.

Permalink Reply by pramod kumar srivastava on March 18, 2011 at 2:34am

thanks anju ji  for such a nice discussion.your words r very true .

Permalink Reply by Rakesh on March 16, 2011 at 12:27pm

If Love is Magic,

than Magic can happen any time in your life.

 

Its Social Taboo,

Because Human being is a Social Animal.

Magic for you may cause disturbance / disharmony in your Family & Social Life.


FounderPermalink Reply by Sandeep Goswamy on March 16, 2011 at 1:22pm

The word  "Love" has different meaning for different people :-)

Being In Love

Falling In Love

Rising In Love

Loving Someone

Making Love

Having A Love Affair

Feeling Love For Someone

So many different connotations of that magic word and each one has probably only one of them in mind while giving their opinions here. The only real Love is the "Unconditional Love" and that can be given to any one you can and to as many you can as long as you are not even expecting it back :-)

That sort of love is not something you "DO" its something that is 'THERE" and it can not harm anyone. I feel no one or nothing can take away your right to feel that love for someone..

 

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