I bow down to your lotus feet…
It has been almost 3 weeks of practices with TSV after initiation and there are so many changes happening in and around me. It is true that I had gone to many places and many masters, practiced many things before but never ever such a profound experience. It is overwhelmingly ecstatic.. I am writing this with tears in my eyes. I wonder how I am full of joy despite these tears and feel blessed to have found the lost kingdom through Gurumandala’s grace and your unconditional love which has ever grown since the moment of being inducted in guru’s grace field. With all my humility and complete surrender I request the divine Goddess in you to keep me in her grace-field always. Shivoham!
Acharya ji, I am bubbling with so many words.. I feel everything has changed in these 3 weeks of practices. Initially I found myself crying and sulking for no reasons and it seemed as I am the most depressed person of the world. As life had no meaning. It happened only for two days and then few days of anger and so much sexual thoughts. So much so that i could not control my urge to please myself. But soon everything seems to take altogether different shape. I knew and had felt that the room in which I used to do my yoga and other previously learnt practices was dead but now when I enter in this room. I become sooo happy from within. I don’t know the reasons but the energies of this place must have changed I guess. I feel that every single object of that room is now happy and joyous. I need no answers for this… as you always say there are no answers to WHYs but if some words on whether I am going in the right direction.. whether my feelings and experiences are indicative of something.. Please enlighten me with your words of wisdom.. i shall meditate on those and be ever grateful.
– S. B.
The path to the ‘Truth’ required intellectual, emotional and spiritual maturity. And maturity doesn’t come by itself.. it is the byproduct of the experience and purified intellect or buddhi. Any discipline which is based on sermons, do’s and don’ts is about negation which takes away ‘life’ from you. Unless you experience life in its glory across its spectrum with awareness spiritual maturity is just ‘day dreaming’.
If experiencing wasn’t so important why will a human body, an apparatus completely equipped with all sorts of “Apps” and gadgets, capable of experiencing the outer and inner would be gifted to a soul? You have come in human body to experience ‘yourself’ through the world. Only through living your life you can come closer to your ‘self’.. only throughaware ‘indulgence’ you can penetrate the inner coverings of your being. Every spiritual discipline should and does attempt in living ‘intensely’ albeit some focus on one aspect or dimension while some choose every possible experience in their list. Negation of life is not possible because you are always ‘in’ it. It is ‘here’ and shall continue in ‘hereafter’.
Tattva Shakti Vigyaan which creates avenues of experience across the spectrum of emotional-band by correctly inter-mixing the different ‘Tattvic potencies’ is a life-affirming discipline. It is so because it aims at maturing you on all the levels. It does not bar you from experiencing emotions.. It does not give you sermons of ‘Don’ts’ because essentially negation is detrimental to the process of maturing. And that is why it asks you to experience your ‘self’ to the fullest through the energies of ‘creation’.
SB, take a deep breath and relax as you are not the lone example here. Every sincere TSV practitioner goes through varieties of emotions – sadness, grief, tears, anger, hatred, jealousy and so on.. leading you to yet another state of happiness and joy. Needless to say the initial phase of negative emotions last only for few days or sometimes only for few hours and the happiness stays on. In fact the Tattva Shakti Vigyaan Sadhana modulates your energies in such a way to be able to create all such emotions in you. It is indeed needed because the crystallization of emotional body is possible only through experiencing and living every emotion to the fullest.
The initial phase of working with the energies of Panch-Mahabhootas gives rise to many tornadoes within your energy field and you get swayed in that. It is a peculiar way of achieving ‘Tattva Shuddhi’ in this sadhana. TSV triggers a catharsis which lasts for most of the people for a week or so and then a positive phase is experienced. The state of happiness and joy shall continue for longer periods and then again a cyclic change may be seen however that time the intensity and experiences of negatives shall be altogether different.. This time it was sadness.grief and perverted sexual expression next time it may be jealousy, being judgmental. Do not worry as there shall be no dearth of good experiences as well as sadhana’s ultimate goal is to up your happiness quotient. Enjoy your happiness and wait for your turn to be called for higher practices which shall take you closer to the destination ‘beyond polarities – the Bliss.’ That is the reason we never ask teach TSV practitioners ‘Stress Management’ we completely eradicate the stress word from their lives.
Here in these experiences two things are expected from every practitioner. One – he/she should stay connected with gurumandala through invocations; Two – there should be attitude of experimentation and heightened awareness. Rest assured you are safe and protected. Tattwas are just working for best.. every tattva shall bring about multitudes of emotions in you, intrinsic to itself and then cleanse your being. Allow that to happen and slowly you shall shine at your best. Keep sharing your experiences with Sadhana and continue with Shakti-Vahini kriya without miss… It needs guts to graduate and become eligible for higher practices which we see in you. It would be then we can tell you how to meditate.. Not now.