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Do you blame and judge yourself for the smallest of mistakes?
“How could I be so stupid? What was I thinking? Why didn’t I take care of myself months ago? Why did I get into that relationship? How could I be so dumb to make that mistake? I’m so angry with myself!”
If you do this often, then you run the risk of exacerbating your distress by constantly judging yourself for how you acted or reacted. Even a small negative event will bring out the worst criticism within yourself. It’s like making a mole of an event into a mountain hill by constantly obsessing over it and finding faults within oneself for that event. It can even make a neutral event into a negative one.
According to Kristin Neff (2003), self-compassion involves “being open to and moved by one’s own suffering, experiencing feelings of caring and kindness toward oneself, taking an understanding, nonjudgmental attitude toward one’s inadequacies and failures, and recognizing that one’s experience is part of the common human experience”.
When you personalize everything then you tend to blame yourself for everything. You become the centre of the event and fail to see the other factors that may have contributed to it. When you express anger towards yourself instead of compassion every time something happens, then you escalate the problems. Insulting yourself with negative language often becomes an escape route. You will often start indulging in pity and anger and tell yourself – “What’s the point in doing anything? I’m like this. I can never change. Why should I even try to change?” Cursing yourself saps your energy emotionally and physically and instead of solving problems, you tend to escape from it.
If you are compassionate towards yourself
1. You will be reducing the impact of negative events in your life.
2. You will be more likely to feel motivated and overcome even major setbacks.
3. It will increase your self esteem in turn. In fact, people with high self esteem are the ones who are compassionate towards themselves.
4. You will be feeling more positive and energetic.
Self Compassion doesn’t mean
1. Self indulgence.
3. Not taking responsibility for your mistakes.
4. Putting the blame on someone else when it’s your fault.
5. Lack of remorse.
Things that will help
You can tap on the following affirmations daily to become more compassionate towards yourself.
Even though I am not compassionate with myself, I choose to practice self compassion.
Even though I blame myself for everything, I choose to start appreciating myself.
Even though I always find a reason to blame myself for anything that happens, I choose to start treating myself with kindness.
Note: If you have deep self hatred then you would require EFT therapy with a trained professional. Deep rooted self hatred requires careful analysis and skillful EFT application.
Neff, K. (2003). Self-compassion: An alternative conceptualization of a healthy attitude toward oneself. Self and Identity.
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