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Don’t train your Daughters to be understanding and patient of everything!

When I think of the word ‘Daughter’, the angelic face of my little girl flashes before my eyes. It brings a big smile on my face. I feel the pain and hardships of the day vanish in thin air.

Every time I get an opportunity to bond with her, I make a conscious effort to be fully present in the moment. She may be too young to differ between good mood and bad mood but, surely, is not a fool to realize fake emotions.

I remember the little girl I was. Always chirpy, carefree, playful, tomboy, full of zest. Looking forward to each new day and living life as it unfolded.

Most importantly, there was no baggage of worries, there was no pressure to understand why things happened, sometimes good sometimes bad, the way they did. I barely remember a day in the house that passed away hearing any arguments and fights. Everything ugly, I suppose, was kept away from me behind the locked doors.

My life was nothing less than a fairytale. Growing up in a pampered and protective environment, I was unaware of the callous realities of life; with even the slightest of knowledge what was going to fall upon me over the coming years.

As simply and smoothly I had started to transition from my teens to adulthood, I realized I was in for some roller coaster ride.

Suddenly, everyone in the family had a raised level of expectation. I was still the apple of their eye, loved and pampered as always. The difference being that now conditions were attached to the outcomes. I was taught to speak up my mind, but abruptly, hearing ‘No’ and restrictions on my life became a daily routine.

All the when’s? Where? How? With whom? How much time? Questions seemed to surface and become the highlight of my very existence.

I thought to myself and giggled that overnight my house had turned into a mad house where everyone is going nuts! Least did I know I was being taught the to-do and the not-to-do list prepared for girls by God knows whom and followed by blind believers, like my family.

All this yes-no drama seemed to bother me now and I was furious for answers.

I approached my mom for rejoinders in a hope that she would understand my plight. I was wide off the mark!

I still remember her words, loud and clear, because that night something had changed within. I matured in an instant, how like an instant coffee I thought. Joke! My whole life lost its meaning so a stupid joke like that wouldn’t have made any difference to my situation.

For a moment I felt betrayed by my own people. I froze in time.

Was it my fault that I was born a girl? Who decides that a girl should be loaded with features and hash tags of sacrifice, understand, patience, timid, shy, and undemanding? Who decides to draw the life chart of a girl? Who tells the parents of a girl child to teach her tolerance with people who use and abuse her? Just because it is someone they know or even closer, family!

There is no two ways to raise children of different sex. There is no guide or a list to tell boys to think and act in a certain way and tell the girls to think and act in a particular manner.

Yet I found myself in a set-up of a dictated life!

I knew my revolution would prove meaningless, for all these beliefs were deep rooted and stood tall by the backing of a stubborn society that was ignorant to change.

Emotionally drained, I was reluctant to fight back. Just gave up like that!

Years passed, and I died each day for not being capable enough to stand up for myself.

Now married and blessed with a baby girl. I found this as an opportunity to change things that I could not back then for myself.

Holding my baby doll in my arms I made a promise to her, rather to myself, I won’t let life happen to you... You will be the creator of your destiny and choose what happens in your life!

I am a happy mother..:-).. I am keeping pace with my pledge.

I am honoured to be granted another chance to live as a girl again with my daughter.

The biggest lesson I am teaching her is to speak up her mind and stand for herself. Be impatient with her dreams and intolerant towards anything that is inhuman. Most importantly, to believe in herself!

I will educate her to begin her family only when she meets the kind of man who would understand that she is a human just like him. Who would be strong enough to accept her with her flaws and would know how to deal with her mood swings. Who would not defy the fact that my daughter is an individual with her own set parameters of patience and tolerance level and is bound to lose either or both if the situation demands.

I was lucky enough to have found that man, and since then we are happily together..:-).. Thanks to my husband to have supported me through the times when we were still getting to know each other. And now, when we have found the best of friends in each other.

Together, as parents, it’s an effort to raise a daughter who recognizes to unfold her wings and is ready to leave her nest and fly high, when the time is right!

Happy nurturing!!

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