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It’s 5.30 in the morning. I am awake, as if to a new fresh start. Sitting on the couch in my balcony enjoying my morning tea.
No rush to send kids to school, no lunch boxes to pack, and no laundries left to be done for the day. Summer vacations started as a big relief! Feels like I am on holidays, at least in the supposedly busy hours of the day.
My kids are deep in sleep, probably dreaming of how to insist mom to get that new toy on their wish list..;-)..
This is one of the Golden moments no mother gets to live every day.
My mind was blank. Suddenly I found myself smiling on the very thought of travelling into a time machine to revisit my childhood..:-)..Secretly wishing my husband was a scientist!
I started digging through my memory box as the time machine had gone for repair..;-).. I could see the little girl ‘I’ once was - shy, scared and always nervous. I had friends, but only handful. It was enough for me. I remember playing all day. I was stubborn, edgy, hated control freaks. Being the eldest in the family and the first girl child, I was devotedly pampered.
The memory flashes were so fresh as if I was present in the past. I was reliving my own stupendous, naughty and playful experiences.
From playing cricket in the streets to cycling in the rain, from making ravan on dushera to playing sinful holi, from morning walks with friends to getting proposals from the hot boys on the block. Bit by bit, inch by inch, I remembered it all.
Sipping my tea, I thought to myself, I have lost that little girl somewhere on the journey of life. I was born to live and yet I had forgotten how to live. I was born to dream and make them come true. Yet I had forgotten to sleep. I had forgotten to envision what I believed in.
I was not the same little girl. I had changed the day I was reborn, when I became a mother for the very first time. Now, it was the baby first. His needs, his cries, him, him, it was all about him. I was new to the concept of motherhood. The new arrival wasn’t planned but was welcomed with open arms. I learnt the life hacks of new birth of me. It seemed both interesting and tiring at the same time. There was happiness overflowing in the family. Everyone rejoiced.
I came out of the memory lane with the shouting and screaming of kids playing in the park.
I realized how fast age had taken over me! I may have passed as a new mum today. I may have made the best of my rebirth as a mother today. But somewhere deep down I know, I have betrayed the little girl, the little child, who still stays in me. Longing for me to hear her cries and waiting to be free.
I have a long way to go. I have promises to keep.
Lucky as most of us are, not all women are. Some of them are never born again. For either their baby is killed in the womb or she dies giving birth to a baby or becomes the target of domestic violence leaving no room for becoming a mother in her life. Reasons could be many. And such stories are found everywhere, every day. But the need is to understand that a girl is also a child. She needs to be nurtured with love, care and understood so that she has the strength to face all tests of time.
Needless to say, only a mother can feel the death so close and be rejoiced to be born again. Only a mother can bear the pain to give birth to a new life!
Salute to all the mothers for the transformation they go through from being someone’s adorable child to becoming a mommy to love their own child!
Prachi Sachdev Mendiratta