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Is it OK to fall in love with another man/woman after you're married?

Love is magic.....and if it happens with someone else after marriage it is considered taboo. It does happen at times but is not spoken about though it doesn't mean you don't love the one you're married to.

Should it happen or not is not the right question as when one is in love....he/she is.....Question then comes does marriage takes away the right to love someone else? When I say love someone else I'm talking about love between a man and a woman which is not necessarily corporeal.

Let's discuss this topic openly.....

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hooooooooooooooooooooo... shame shame ...shanu, you will go to hell... how could you talk about it???

it took civilizations so long to cultivate monogamy and they were quite successful, now you are destroying the efforts of religion and civilizations...

 

ok...let us come back...

the rules of society and specially marriage as institution was built at a time when food, secuirty and sex meant very different than now... there is a dire need to look at sex now in post contraceptive age. why? because sex does not mean producing babies any more which was one of the driving force to build monogamy...

 

on other hand, love outside marriage is very complex thing to talk... because are you sure it is LOVE? let us say even if you are sure, then cheating is not allowed because then you defy the whole purpose of love and land up with guilt... so at energy level, it becomes very complex...

yes, the holistic view is that love any one you want to...but it is not necessary all the time that you break the sanctity of marriage but discover what hidden aspect of you, this lover brings in you which your partner was not able to...

and then i can go on... there are many such points before we conclude it is good or bad ... allowed or not allowed...

 

Thats what I'm saying Naveen....why not to tell your spouse that you actually love a person when you love him/her truly....what's wrong in that and then you're not cheating or breaking the sanctity of marriage dear friend. To love is not for physical satisfaction.............it is more of an emotional bond that you share with the person.

 

I totally agree with u ..shanu love is at first sight or fromheart n philcal relation ship is different .it is sort of enjoying ur fantasy ...so i totallt agree with u  shanu.

but why society only blame to the one who went away....don't u think the one who let go should b blamed upon?

Very bold topic indeed Shanu Ji...

I feel "love happens" and when it happens nothing can be done ... one just loves. what u do after that is what needs to be answered and there are many ways .. one is that you can just love the person and do nothing else so the question of being ok or not ok does not arise. Only if you decide to DO something then morality, society, ethics etc come in

 

the real question here is about monogamy and monogamy is basically un natural. i agree with naveen about how marriage came about..

 

Here is an excerpt from a osho discourse where he talks about extra marital affairs

 

"Extra-marital relationships help marriage, they don’t destroy it. It is always good to have a little change, just at the weekend. It does not harm at all. That idea — that if a man starts having a little love affair with some woman other than his wife it will destroy the marriage — is absolutely wrong. It will help, it will renew the relationship, because one gets tired. Man is, after all, human. Don’t ask impossible things! One gets tired — the same woman, the same man. One loses all taste.

If you have to eat the same food every day, like I do, you will get fed up.

Once in a while just a little taste of a new woman, a new man revives your interest in the old woman and the old man. You start thinking, “After all, she is not so bad.” A little change is always good.

I am not against extra-marital relationships. The people who are against them are really teaching you possessiveness in an indirect way.

When I say I am not against extra-marital relationships I am teaching you non-possessiveness.

If a man is tired of the same woman — the same contours, the same geography, the same topography — once in a while a little bit different geography, a little bit different landscape…and he comes home again interested in exploring the old map. It gives a break — a coffee break. And after each coffee break you can again get involved in the same work, the same files, and you open them and you start working…. The coffee break helps you.

If people want to live together in a deep intimacy, they should not be possessive. They should allow freedom. And that’s what extra-marital relationship is: freedom. But people are very strange.”

 

Read Osho ... he has given many insights on this subject

Much love to you all

I agree....only Osho can speak on this.

Dear friend,

You did not give emphasis on 'corporeal', make your stand clear on this ground. I feel, to love someone after marriage is not a crime, so far so good it does not interfere your relation with your spouse and children. In my professional life I have seen multiple cases, in which either of the partner had innocent friendship or Platonic love with an opposite sex, unfortunately ended in separation in-spite of professional counseling, in which not only both the partners suffered, but innocent children's were affected the most.

I would be glad if you make your stand clear and firm.

Ketan     

I do not give much emphasis on word CORPOREAL as here we're not talking about LUST we're talking about love. Love is not only for sexual satisfaction but true love is divine. When true love is there all other emotions obviously come up at some point or other....denying them, hiding them doesn't mean they are not there. That's why I say not necessarily corporeal.

If an innocent friendship can break the relationship between a husband and wife then I think that it had very weak foundation. So dear Mr. Ketan I need not say anything in black and white otherwise it would mean that I'm thinking logically.....Love is very illogical dear friend and it involves your heart not mind. 

Thanks Shanu for making things clear, i.e. 'love' and 'lust', when we are talking about the 'love' in its purest form, the question does not arise to discuss anything, since you can love any creature in the world any time, but as you have said, 'that if there is a break up in relationship due to loving somebody else, which means that the marriage was based on very weak foundation', I agree to this but please tell me my friend, how many marriages are based on strong foundations? I strongly believe that if any 'love' which causes suffering to the innocents (especially children), should be compromised, as without compromising living in any civilized society is very difficult ( of course not impossible ), tell me one more thing about your saying "....it would mean that I'm thinking logically.....Love is very illogical....", how long one can survive staying illogical, let us be practical my friend. Writing on this blog and reproducing our ideas are very easy, but my friend, seeing people suffering due to some INNOCENT feelings or in your words 'divine love' in my professional life has made me change my views.

No offense made to you but, lets be practical OR lets be rebellious, are the only choices, I feel in this discussion.      

Thank you Mr. Ketan for sharing....I'm not writing here just to put my ideas across to you but want to know is it not more fair to straight away tell the feeling than to keep it hiding all the time. Can we not be that transparent in relationships? When you become practical, you think with your mind and then again it doesn't mean that you can ignore love that has happened to you. Hiding the feeling doesn't mean the feeling is not there.....you still are in love.

Sufferings are because we have made some silly rules and are following those rules. Question and reason here to post this discussion is why can't we be transparent and genuine in our relationships not just simply to reproduce ideas. We cannot force ourselves to fall in love and similarly we cannot do anything if it happens.....as it happens. Then can you really take out that person from your heart altogether? If not, why to hide it.....we hide it because we are have a belief system that love after marriage is wrong and it is against societal norms. So we are filled with guilt though we haven't actually done anything wrong....we are in love just that.

If a foundation of marriage is that weak so that a minor jolt could break it then marriages shouldn't happen.

Please do not take these comments as personal and this is just a general discussion where each and every member has a right to express.

Thanks again Shanu for make things more clear. I totally agree with what you said about beeing transparent in ANY relationship. I did not take things personally, honestly speaking I have seen countless family falling apart or living in distress by not being honest and transparent, as well as reproducing their feeling to the spouse who has lack of understanding, which has made me little aggressive in my comments earlier.

It had been nice having this healthy discussion, but I will keep my stand firm that if you are in real love "either be practical or be rebellious" ( 'rebellious' as described by OSHO).     

 

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